Dear Martha Stewart,

Please send me more updates about cookies and less about needle cushions.

Your Fan,

Kelsi Carpenter

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Chère Kelsi,

J'ai reçu ton message mais...je ne l'ai pas compris.
Non, pas de tout.
Est ce qu'il y a une probleme?
Tu sais que je ne parle pas l'Anglais...

On dois parler, j'ai besoin de toi...

Bisous,
Tes Devoirs

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Dear Homework,

I'm sorry, but this just isn't working out.
You're too clingy.
You ask too much of me.
I don't always have the answers!
Figure it out for yourself, for once. Please?

Thanks,
Kelsi

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Dear Dried Apricots,

If I could afford you on a daily basis,

you'd be the only snack I'd ever need.

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Today

A man in the metro was wearing your cologne,
so I shut my eyes, and missed you.

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Dear Stranger

Today, on Avenue Louise you stole a shiny bicycle.
The bicycle belonged to my boss
but was mine for the day.

Today I owe my boss 500 euro.
I make 500 a month.

It's going to take me a while to pay off your crime.

I hope you needed it.
I hope you raced with it to see your dying mother.
Or maybe..no.
I can't think of a better excuse.

My condolences.

Kelsi.

P.S. If you don't need it anymore, would you mine dropping it by the police station?
I might give them a call from time to time, just to check in on humanity.

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